From matchmaking to taking the bride home: Azerbaijani wedding customs in order

In the village of Tala in Zaqatala, northwest Azerbaijan, wedding news travelled on decorated horses until the 1980s. The riders went round the village with one line: «Bu gün xına var, sabah ətlik, birisi gün toy!», meaning today the henna, tomorrow the meat is prepared, the day after the wedding. Three events, three days, and the whole village invited. An Azerbaijani wedding is not one night but a chain of events that runs for months. Here it is in order: what happens at each stage, what it means and how it is done today.

A note before we start: the order is much the same everywhere, but names and details change from region to region, sometimes from village to village. The same day goes by one name in Shirvan and another in Zaqatala. Read what follows as a general map, not a rulebook. If your family does it differently, your family's way is the right one.

1. Qız görmə: getting to know the bride's family

It all started with the groom's side learning about the girl and her family. By old custom, women from the groom's family would visit the girl's home on some pretext and quietly observe her manners and how she ran a household. This was called qızgördü («the girl was seen»). Today most couples already know each other, so this stage has become the first meeting of the two families.

2. Elçilik, sweet tea and söz kəsmə

Elçilik (the formal matchmaking visit) often came in two steps. First two women from the groom's side came to sound out the family, the «small» elçilik. Then came respected people whose word carried weight, usually elders. The girl's father rarely agreed on the first visit, so the matchmakers often had to come back several times.

The best detail is the tea. Tea placed in front of the matchmakers is not drunk until consent is given. If the proposal is accepted, sweet tea is brought to the table. If not, no sugar goes into the tea. The answer was often given in the glass rather than in words.

After consent comes söz kəsmə (literally «cutting the word», sealing the agreement), which people today often just call «getting the yes». Then the families sit down to the details: the date, the musicians, who pays for what. Older accounts call this meeting danışığa gəlmə, and most of the costs traditionally fell on the groom's family. In many families elçilik today is a single evening visit, but the tea table and the elders' word are still there.

3. Nişan: the ring, the red scarf and xonças

The groom's family brings the engagement gifts on xonças (decorated trays) tied with red ribbon. The sweet trays hold pakhlava, shakarbura and chocolates, and a few are filled with nuts and dried fruit. The ring goes on the ring finger of the bride's left hand and a red scarf is placed over her shoulders. The ring is often put on by a close relative of the groom, such as his sister.

A lesser known detail: older accounts say the groom's family also brings a «mirror of fortune» (bəxt güzgüsü) to the engagement, and it is this mirror that is carried in front of the bride on the wedding day. Today the nişan (engagement party) is usually held at a restaurant with a much shorter guest list than the wedding. We have a separate article on engagement invitation wording and timing.

4. Paltarbiçdi and the dowry

A few days before the wedding, women from the groom's family bring the fabrics and gifts bought for the bride to her home. Only women attend, the groom's sister usually shows the gifts one by one, and then the fabric is cut, hence paltarbiçdi («the dress was cut»). In Shirvan the day is called bazarlıq, in Zaqatala parçabiçdi. A lovely detail from Zaqatala villages: the tailor would hold up the scissors and say «Ay qızlar, qayçı kəsmir» («girls, the scissors won't cut»), and the cutting only began once the bride's yengə (a woman who accompanies the bride) handed over a small tip.

The bride's family prepares its own share, the cehiz (dowry): bedding, dishes, handiwork, things the new home will need. It is taken to the groom's house a few days before the wedding, and in some places a list of it was even written down on the day the bride left. What goes into a dowry has changed, but the custom remains.

5. Xına yaxdı: the henna night

The henna night traditionally takes place at the bride's home the evening before her family's wedding. A bowl of water is set in front of the bride and the groom's relatives drop gold gifts into it. Then henna is applied to her hands and feet; in some regions the groom's sister does this. Today in many families the henna night is a separate evening, often at a restaurant or small hall, with its own guest list. We cover henna night invitations in a separate article too.

6. Qız toyu and oğlan toyu: two weddings

A traditional Azerbaijani wedding is really two weddings. First the qız toyu (the bride's family wedding) at her family home, then the oğlan toyu (the groom's family wedding) at his. The gap depends on the region: in some places the groom's wedding starts the next day, in others a week later. In the village of Qımır in Zaqatala both happened on the same day, the morning at the bride's home and the afternoon at the groom's. The groom's wedding was usually the bigger one. A surprising fact: until modern times the bride's parents did not attend the groom's wedding.

7. Gəlin köçürmə: taking the bride to her new home

• The red ribbon. As the bride leaves her father's house, a red ribbon or scarf is tied around her waist; red is considered protective. In older accounts this is done by her qaynı, the groom's brother. In some regions the bride's father fastened the belt her family had given her. Today families decide among themselves who ties it.
• The mirror. A mirror tied with red ribbon is carried in front of the bride, often by the yengə. In the village of Muxax in Zaqatala the procession even had a dedicated «mirror carrier» (güzgügötürən).
• Yol kəsmə (blocking the road). Young men of the neighbourhood stretch a rope across the procession's path, and the groom's side pays a small toll to pass. In some neighbourhoods children still stop the wedding car today and get a small treat.
• Breaking a dish. When the bride reaches the groom's house, a dish is placed under her foot so she can break it as she steps in.
• Who goes. In Zaqatala villages the bride was usually brought in the early evening, and in many villages it was the groom's father, not the groom, who went to fetch her.

8. After the wedding: üzə çıxdı and ayaqaçdı

By old custom a new bride kept out of her father-in-law's sight for a while after the wedding. On the third day the groom's mother laid a table and invited close female relatives and neighbours to see the bride. The name changes by region: üzə çıxdı («showing the face») in Quba, üçgünlük or duvaq alma in Ağdam, and simply üç gün («three days») in many places. The bride receives a valuable gift at this table and no longer has to keep away from the family elders. A little later the bride's mother invites her daughter and son-in-law to her home, a visit called ayaqaçdı.

What has changed

A wedding that older accounts describe as lasting three or seven days is now mostly one night in a wedding hall. Many families merge stages: the bride's and groom's weddings become one evening, and paltarbiçdi is folded into the engagement or the henna night. What has not changed is that each event has its own circle of guests. For example, Cavid and Səbinə's families might split it like this:

• Elçilik and söz kəsmə: no invitation, just the two families and the elders.
• Nişan (engagement): a separate invitation, 2 to 3 weeks ahead.
• Xına (henna night): a smaller list, 1 to 2 weeks before the wedding, often sent with the wedding invitation.
• Toy (wedding): the widest list, 4 to 6 weeks ahead.
• Üzə çıxdı and ayaqaçdı: close family, invited by phone.

The riders of Tala now fit into a link. You can make a separate invitation for the engagement, the henna night and the wedding, each with its own date, map button and countdown, and each guest sees their own name when they open it.

If you want invitations for the engagement, henna night and wedding, browse the templates.

Quick answers

What are the stages of an Azerbaijani wedding?

The usual order is qız bəyənmə (choosing the bride), elçilik (matchmaking), söz kəsmə (the agreement), nişan (engagement), paltarbiçdi and cehiz (gifts and dowry), xına yaxdı (henna night), qız toyu and oğlan toyu (the two family weddings), gəlin köçürmə (taking the bride home), then üzə çıxdı and ayaqaçdı (the visits after the wedding). Names and details vary by region.

What does sweet tea mean at an Azerbaijani matchmaking visit?

Consent. The tea placed before the matchmakers is not drunk until the family agrees. If the proposal is accepted, sweet tea is served; if not, no sugar goes into the tea.